this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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