Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
