Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
