So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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