i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
