This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
