im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
