Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
