At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
