I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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