The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i out mim tonsoeep
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