I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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