i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
