I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
