I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have fence marks all over my body
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
