dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
