He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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