remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize