thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
