It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
