my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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