I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
