Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
