I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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