I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
