You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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