Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
