he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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