Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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