I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
