Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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