I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
