he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
True strength comes from lack of pants
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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