it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
