Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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