update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
