last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
