today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
