Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
