Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
