so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
