She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
