Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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