K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
