I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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