dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
