i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
