we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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