He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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