whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
