I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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