Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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