Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
