Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
