You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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