I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
