Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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