I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
