is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
