I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
