nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize