Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
