i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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