I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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