Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
