i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
