mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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