Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
PANTIES FOUND
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